Secret Fantasies of Power Play

I never thought I'd be the kind of person to get into power dynamics and dominance/submission in a relationship. But here we are. I'm married, almost thirty-five, and I recently started secretly roleplaying with someone online. It's like this dark side of me just came out of nowhere, and it feels both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. We're both careful, always emphasizing consent, but there's something about giving up control that feels so freeing. My partner tells me what to wear, when to speak, how I should act in a way that makes me feel submissive in real life too, even after we log off. It's not as if I'm doing anything dangerous or illegal, but it's such a departure from my usual self that the guilt keeps gnawing at me. I've been married for five years and never told my wife about any of this. She trusts me completely, and I love her so much. But lying by omission feels almost worse than outright lying, especially when what I'm hiding is as intimate as a part of me that craves control from someone else.