Felt Like a Stranger

I'm in grad school and been with my partner for two years now. We're good together, really solid, but lately it feels so clinical. Just this routine of touching each other that doesn't feel like making love anymore. I tried to change it tonight, brought on something new from the store. A blindfold, lube, toys...anything to shake up what's become just motions. But as soon as we started, the disconnect was there again. His fingers inside me felt so cold and distant; his mouth barely grazed my neck as he worked himself inside me. I tried to push back desire, really try, but there’s no heat between us anymore. Just empty touches in a dark room that I'm supposed to pretend is passion, but it's not. It hurts just how fake the intimacy feels now.