Deployed and Beyond Curiosity

I’ve been married to my husband for seven years now. He’s in the military and we’re used to deployments. I knew about his interest in CNC before we got serious, but it never bothered me back then because he made sure to keep those fantasies separate from reality. We had a lot of trust between us and our relationship was solid enough that I didn’t feel threatened by it. This last deployment has been different though. For one thing, it’s longer than the others. But more importantly, my husband began writing about his fantasies much more openly. He started sending them to me weekly as a way of coping with loneliness and stress. While I knew they were just words on paper, reading them felt like he was cheating in another sense. It got worse when we set up a web cam date one night using FaceTime. My husband had always said that acting out his fantasies would be impossible without both of us being into it, but now he seemed to have found a way around that. He dressed as an officer and played the part of someone giving orders for me to strip down and submit to him. I was so turned on by the roleplay that I started crying at how much my body responded, even when the fantasy elements were painful. Afterward, we talked about it a lot. We agreed he shouldn’t do anything like that again without checking in with me first. But here’s where things got complicated, during the next few weeks, he began texting me more often asking for permission to push boundaries. It felt like every day I was either denying him or giving into something that made me feel used even though it wasn't real. The night before his return, we had one last web cam session. This time, instead of playing a role, my husband just took control, telling me what to do and how to say things back as if he were coaching himself through the fantasy play. I found myself obeying everything without question, feeling almost submissive in ways that scared me. Now he’s home and there are no more excuses for us both not being fully present emotionally and mentally. I feel like I need to decide whether I can accept my husband’s fetish as part of our relationship going forward or if this deployment has changed things too much.