The Secret I've Kept from My Partner for Years

My partner and I have been together for five years now. We're deeply in love and share a lot of interests, but there's one aspect of my sexuality that I've never shared with them. I discovered a few years into our relationship that I'm fascinated by watersports, and it turns me on like nothing else does. It started when I stumbled upon some adult content online featuring enemas and urination play. The taboo nature of it mixed with the pleasure turned me on in ways I couldn't deny. I've done everything from experimenting with a large turkey baster to purchasing expensive toys that help deliver liquid to my body, whether it's water or something more. It gets me extremely excited when I feel like I'm full and about to burst, knowing what could potentially come out of me during sex. The first time I experienced watersports play was with a stranger on a dating app. We met at a secluded beach late one night, under the cover of darkness where we wouldn't be seen or recognized. He brought along a large bottle filled with warm water and a funnel. The sensation of letting it all out, knowing it was going to mix with what he had inside me later, felt like the most intense thing I'd ever experienced. The hardest part is trying to hide my desire from my partner. Every time we're intimate now, I feel this ache deep down, this need that isn't being fulfilled. I've never brought up watersports with him because I know it's not his thing and I fear he'll be disgusted or judge me for wanting something so taboo. But here’s the truth: even as I type this confession, my cock is rock hard just thinking about the next time I get to let go. I've already made plans to do it again when we're apart; there's a hotel in town that caters specifically to fetishes like mine and I'm planning on indulging myself soon. I know it’s wrong and that my partner wouldn’t approve, but watersports has become an integral part of who I am. The shame and guilt are real, but so is the undeniable rush of pleasure from these acts.