...Just Tired Of Being the Only One Giving...

I'm in my thirties now, engaged to a guy who's been going through some rough patches with his work and stress. He's always so tired when he gets home that I feel like we barely talk, let alone connect on any level. And sex? Forget it. He says he needs time to 'get back into it' or something equally vague...but really, the more I wait for him, the more frustrated I get. We've been together almost three years now and while we started out like...well, you know...I feel like the spark is just gone. And here's the thing...I'm still feeling it. The wanting. The neediness. So yeah, I started sneaking off with a neighbor to scratch an itch he just won't touch anymore. We've been neighbors for about six months and I swear he knew from day one that we weren't doing much anymore at home. He'd be out there working on his car or gardening, shirtless...and it was like, impossible not to stare. And then a couple weeks ago? I just lost my mind. It's stupid, right? He didn't try anything...he just kind of let me come over and we talked for hours one night when my fiance had gone out with friends. We ended up having this deep, weird connection that was totally platonic at first but by the end, I could see in his eyes what he wanted as much as I did. So yeah...it's a bit of a mess. But also? It's good to feel things again, even if it's with someone who is just an 'affair' and not meant to be anything long-term. Today was the first time we actually hooked up after talking about it for weeks and let me tell you... It felt so good to have someone care that I exist like this...to want me in a way my fiance doesn't anymore. And we did it on his living room couch, hands everywhere, tongues exploring each other's mouths with such passion that I could barely breathe by the end of it all. And now? We're not even pretending it will last forever or anything, but for tonight...I'm just happy to have a release. ...