just been so open lately

been thinking a lot about my marriage ending and how it all went down. yeah i was in an open relationship for years but somehow still felt like i was cheating even though we agreed on everything. met this guy online last year, pretty intense from the start, very into roleplaying stuff, bdsm kinda thing. we got really close before anyone knew about him other than my ex and he's been a huge part of my life lately. not going to lie, had some serious doubts when i first started seeing him but over time it just felt so natural. now that the divorce is final, it's weird how much easier everything feels. still have this deep connection with both guys though, which complicates things even more. i mean honestly don't know where to go from here, there are moments when i want a normal relationship again but then other times i'm just so happy with how things are now. guess it's one of those weird phases that come and go as you figure out who you are after all this stuff.