When I Needed More Than My Partner Could Give Me

So, I've been with my partner for about five years now. We're both in our mid-thirties and we have a pretty solid relationship, go on adventures together, cook at home, and take care of each other when the world gets too crazy out there. But lately, I've felt this pull towards something else that's kind of hard to explain. It started with watching some movies late one night. They were about all these different types of kinks and roles people play in bed. And while most didn't interest me much, there was one thing that really got my attention, this idea of being the submissive partner, someone who relinquishes control during intimate moments to let their partner take charge. It's not something I would normally do, but watching it, talking about it with friends online, it just...clicked for me. But here’s the tricky part: I want to explore this side of myself, but my partner is really into us being equal and sharing responsibility equally in our sex life. Which is great for them, I get that, but sometimes, honestly, when we're intimate together, I feel like there's just not enough space for me to let go and be taken care of. So now I'm stuck. How do you bring up a desire to explore something so different from what you two usually share? And if my partner doesn't want to go down that road with me, what then? Do I hold back on this part of myself, or do I find someone else who can understand and give into it? It's hard because the more time passes, the stronger this feeling gets. Yet every time we're together, I feel guilty for not being able to fully share my desires. It’s like there’s a wall between us that keeps growing bigger with each passing day. And honestly, sometimes when I'm alone or in bed next to them, it feels almost painful, this longing and craving for something more than we're offering right now. So what do I do? How can I tell my partner without ruining everything?