Caught in My Own Roleplay Web

I've been casually dating for a while now, nothing serious or exclusive. I'm in my 50s and have found that sometimes it's easier to just be casual rather than getting into something more committed. Last week, though, I ended up doing something I never expected would happen again: playing a CNC game with someone who wasn't fully on board. I met this woman through dating apps, and we started chatting about what each of us wanted in a relationship. She mentioned an interest in roleplay, which surprised me because I hadn’t really thought much about it since my college days. We agreed to meet up for drinks first and got along well over wine and conversation. The next day, she messaged me asking if I'd be down for something different the following night. It turned out she wanted to try a CNC scene, consensual non-consent roleplay. While it wasn't my usual thing, there was something intriguing about it that made me curious enough to say yes. We agreed on ground rules beforehand; I would play an authoritarian figure, and she’d be the reluctant but compliant subject. The setup felt safe at first because we talked extensively about what lines should never be crossed, her limits were clear, mine too. But when we began, something in me shifted. As we progressed into the roleplay, it became harder for me to keep up with my character's boundaries; there was a part of me that wanted to push against our agreed-upon limits. The dynamic felt charged and intense, but also risky, it was easy to lose sight of what I had originally set out to do. I think the confusion came from how invested I got in playing this authoritarian role. It made me question my own power dynamics within other relationships, including those in my teaching career where authority plays a significant part. I started wondering if there were parallels between my real-life roles and these playful ones that we explore with partners. In the end, I stepped back before anything truly went overboard, but it left me reeling. How much of this was about roleplay and how much was something deeper? It's made me question what boundaries mean in both fantasy scenarios and reality, especially when you're someone who often takes on roles of authority. I don't regret the night, because we were always clear that everything would end once I gave a specific signal to stop. But now, I'm left with this nagging feeling of having crossed into something more than just roleplay.