My Secret Kink Escalates My Pleasure With Him But Not the Way He Imagines It

I've been married to Jack for nearly a decade now. We met when I was teaching at a small liberal arts college and he was one of my star students. Since then, our life has revolved around academia, his career in research and mine as a professor. But while he’s a well-rounded man with many interests, there's an aspect of sex that I crave deeply but rarely share openly. Jack doesn't know about it. We have our nights where we explore different things within the realm of consent and safety, yet I've always kept this one secret hidden from him. I've developed a kink around oral sex that goes beyond vanilla stimulation, he enjoys the thrill of being told precisely how he's pleasing me and asking for detailed feedback on what turns me on. But my true fantasy involves watching him as he worships me, his eyes glued to mine while I direct every move with my hands, fingers intertwined in his hair. The climax is where this secret reaches its peak. My fantasies are filled with moments of Jack looking up at me, lips swollen and red from the effort, staring back as if searching for validation that he’s hitting exactly the right spot inside me that only I know how to guide him towards. Each thrust a testament to my verbal direction, each moan a silent plea for more, deeper penetration that I've trained him to crave. Tonight was different though; we ventured into a dark and stormy night for our monthly adventure. As we lay entangled under the sheets, he proposed something new: a role-reversal where I’m on top but still guiding him. It’s tempting, exhilarating even, yet this fantasy of his wouldn’t align with mine, not directly. I have to confess, I secretly longed for him to remain beneath me tonight and for me to take the lead in another way, my vocal control over him, directing each thrust and flick of tongue as if my words were an electric current firing through every nerve ending he's exploring on my body. How do I balance wanting more of what I desire with being considerate towards his expectations? Should I tell him about this secret craving or remain silent in the face of a growing tension between what we share versus what I withhold for myself alone? Is it selfish to keep these fantasies hidden, especially when they enrich my experiences and satisfaction so profoundly?