Just Another Day After the Split

So yeah, I guess you could say my life's been on auto-pilot since the divorce. Went from waking up with an alarm clock set for 6 AM every day to now sleeping in whenever until I wake up naturally at like noon sometimes. No more 'honey do this' or 'dear can we talk about that'. It's just me and my thoughts, which is great because I've had plenty of time to think over what went wrong, why it went wrong, if there was anything that could have been done differently... but seriously, who needs all that headspace for constant self-reflection? Right? Anyway, last night was a little different. Found myself with some unexpected free time after work and ended up back at the old house, not because I missed it or wanted to see reminders of what used to be my life, but simply because where else am I supposed to go? Went in without thinking too much about why until I walked past our bedroom (now just 'the bedroom') and remembered all those nights spent... well, you know. The couch wasn't as comfortable as it was before it became my sole refuge at home. Yeah, so maybe I did pick up a few things over the weekend to help fill some of that time, you know, self-care essentials. But let's not pretend this is about being lonely or anything. It's just a change in scenery and routine. The old me would have been all about the small talk at dinner parties, trying to convince everyone there was no tension in the air. Now? I prefer it when people look past that awkward smile and see... something else. I don't need to analyze every little thing, just get it out there how I feel sometimes.