When I Wasn't Myself

I guess I should start by saying that this happened a couple weeks ago. It was a pretty normal day, nothing special, work, the usual routine stuff at home with my wife. But after we got done with dinner and she went to bed early, I stayed up in front of the TV for a bit before heading to bed too. So there I was, getting ready to sleep and suddenly this memory hit me from a while back when I was still working full-time and more stressed out than I am now. Remembered this time with an old coworker who lived nearby, let's just call her Jane for anonymity. She had these wild red curls and the most intense green eyes, like they could see right through you if she wanted to. We had a thing going on that nobody knew about at work. Anyway, I started thinking about it more as I undressed and got into bed. My hands were shaking just remembering how good she used to make me feel. And before long, my own fingers were sliding between my legs, trying to recreate the feeling of her tongue tracing those same spots. It was like reliving a fantasy but with no one else there, just my hand, working over my body until I couldn't take it anymore and finally came hard into my pillow. The next morning, I felt pretty guilty about it all. But also... kind of relieved? Like something had gotten out that needed to be let loose. Maybe it's silly how that made me feel, but there you go.