Caught Off Guard

I never imagined being married to someone who didn’t share my love of power dynamics until it hit us hard during deployment. Jim’s away, and the distance makes these feelings more intense. Last night, I had this overwhelming urge, something I can't talk about with him because he's strict about monogamy and no kinks, even though we’re okay with sex toy experimentation from time to time. So, I was left with these thoughts in my head, thinking maybe this isn’t just me being horny but craving something else entirely. Ended up crying into my pillow because while it feels so right, he’d be horrified if he knew. Anyone relate or have any advice for how to handle the disconnect?