Struggling with CNC Roleplay

I'm 25 and have been dating my partner for four years. We both like kinky stuff, but she's never really been into roleplaying non-consent scenarios before. A few months ago, I felt this urge to explore something darker... I wanted to be treated as if I didn't have a choice in the matter, you know? Like being forced to do things against my will, but still feeling like I want it anyway. It was confusing, and it made me feel really conflicted inside. One night, I decided to bring it up with her... She looked at me like I was crazy when I told her this, then she just got quiet. We ended up not talking about it for weeks after that. I don't know if I'm the asshole here or what....