I Broke His Heart and My Own

My name is Jamie, and I just ended a relationship with someone named Alex. We dated for about two years, but lately things have been feeling off between us. It's hard to explain, but something in me was just... restless. Alex is really sweet and caring, always there for me no matter what. But sometimes, when he held my hand or kissed me goodnight, I felt this weird urge to pull away. And last week, we had a fight about it. I said that while I care deeply for Alex, something isn't right. He looked hurt but tried to be understanding. He asked if I was in love with someone else, and I could barely bring myself to say no. We agreed to take some time apart. But then this past weekend, we both got drunk at a friend's party. One thing led to another, and next thing I knew, Alex and I were hooking up again, like an old habit coming back full force. It was intense, but afterward, there was silence between us that felt heavier than ever before. Today, I finally called it quits for good. Told him it's better this way, I'll just be leaving town soon anyway to start a new job far away. But honestly, I think he knows it has more to do with how things ended last year and my constant indecision about us. Am I the asshole here? I feel terrible, but also like we were never really meant to work out. What should I be doing now?