When Duty Collides with Desire

I've been married to my husband for five years now. He's in the military and has always put his job first, sometimes at the expense of our relationship. We're both adults and we know the risks going in, but there are times when it feels like he's not just choosing between us and his career, but actively prioritizing something else over me. A few months ago, I was home alone while he was on a deployment that would last for several weeks. It wasn't unusual, but this time around, my sister came to visit unexpectedly. She’s ten years younger than me and we don’t see each other often since she moved out west after college. We had a great week together catching up, cooking meals, and watching movies late into the night. One evening, as I was heading off to bed, there was a knock at my door. It was my sister's boyfriend, Alex. He's an older man, about ten years her senior, but we've always been friendly. There was something in his eyes that night though - something desperate and longing. We ended up talking for hours, sharing stories of our lives, and it was clear to both of us that there was a mutual attraction simmering beneath the surface. By the end of our conversation, my sister had gone to bed but Alex stayed behind, asking if I could give him some advice about his relationship. We sat in the living room for what felt like hours more, and eventually, we found ourselves kissing - just gently at first, testing the waters. It quickly became something deeper as we both leaned into it. The next morning, he left without saying a word, leaving me with a mix of emotions. I didn’t tell my husband about this. Part of me feels like I shouldn't have even let it happen, but part of me wonders if the fault lies in us not being able to connect enough anymore for situations like that to become attractive options instead. Did I cross a line? Was it justifiable given the circumstances? Am I the asshole here or are there extenuating factors that make this understandable? I'm still trying to figure out where my boundaries lie and what it means moving forward with both Alex and, more importantly, my marriage.