Wearing My Heart on My Sleeve Isn't What It Used To Be

Lately, in my open relationship, I find myself slipping into this nostalgic pattern. I try to keep it all casual and fun but there's a part of me that longs for the simplicity of one big love instead of two smaller ones. Last night was especially tough; we explored some new fantasies together with my partner, but deep down, while we were laughing and enjoying each other’s company, I couldn’t shake off this melancholic feeling. It felt like a ghost from my past haunting me in every moment that wasn't purely physical pleasure. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm the only one who feels it or if there's just no way to hold onto something as fleeting and complex as an open relationship with such deep roots in longing.