A Secret Experiment in Sensuality

I’ve always prided myself on being a rational person, a doctor trained to keep emotions out of decisions. But lately, I’ve found myself exploring something that feels like an experiment gone awry. It started when a patient confided in me about a new partner they were experimenting with, someone who encouraged them to explore the darker sides of sensuality. The more she talked, the more it intrigued me. I began researching online and stumbled upon communities dedicated to consensual power exchange dynamics. Soon enough, I wanted to experience something similar myself, but there was one crucial difference: my husband doesn’t share this interest. I’ve been meeting someone discreetly, a submissive who is interested in a temporary role play scenario with me as his dominant partner. It’s been exhilarating and frightening at the same time; it challenges everything I thought I knew about myself and our marriage. The intimacy we've created feels like an escape from reality, yet every moment reminds me of the boundaries I’m pushing with my husband. I'm struggling to reconcile these feelings and am unsure if this is a phase that will pass or a deep desire that needs addressing within my relationship. What do you think? Is it normal for long-term relationships to have these hidden desires? And how does one balance personal exploration with marital commitments?