Confession from My Heart

Hey everyone, I'm 23 and I have something really heavy on my mind that's been weighing me down. You see, my partner, Alex, and I, we've had a great relationship for about two years now. We love each other deeply, but there's this thing... it's always been in the back of my head, like a shadow that won't go away. It started when I was still figuring out who I am, before Alex, I experimented with different things and found something I loved: roleplay scenes where we explore power dynamics. It wasn't about dominance or control over another person; it was more like a game to me. You know, the kind of scene where one of us takes on a character from a book or movie and acts it out? The trouble is, Alex isn't into that anymore. He says he’s tried understanding it but doesn’t feel comfortable with those kinds of scenes. It's not like we argue about it; I just have this deep sadness in me because the thought of giving up on something so intimate feels unbearable. Sometimes when we're together and things get heated, I find myself daydreaming and imagining us in these different scenarios, maybe a detective and suspect situation or an old-fashioned teacher-student setup. It's funny how our regular lives can just feel so... ordinary, compared to the vivid fantasies running through my head. Alex is wonderful; he's kind and caring, everything I could ask for in a partner. But here’s the thing: when we make love, it’s beautiful and tender, but there's always this part of me that wishes we were pushing those boundaries more, exploring different sides of ourselves like we used to. I know I should be grateful for what we have, and most days, I am. It's just hard not to wish sometimes... you know? Maybe some people would judge me or think less of me if they knew this, but honestly, I need to get it out in the open somehow. Writing about it here feels like the least weird way to do that. So yeah, that’s my confession, something that might never change and will probably always be there in some form. Anyone else deal with similar feelings or have advice? Just knowing others are out there helps a bit.