Caught in the Act - A Nurse's Secret Desire

I've been married to my husband for ten years now. We have a healthy relationship and our sex life is pretty good too, but I'm starting to realize there are things that he just doesn't get into and never will. It started last year when I had an ER patient who was really hurting and in pain from his injury. He was about my age, around thirty-five or so, and I knew he would need some medication for the night to help him sleep. When I went back to check on him before bed, we ended up talking more than I expected. There's something about the vulnerability of being injured that made me feel a connection with him. He was joking around when he mentioned how much painkillers can make someone reckless and wild. That planted a seed in my head. Later on, as he got better, we started to see each other outside of work. It wasn't something I expected or planned for. We both knew it was wrong but it just felt so right at the time. My husband has never understood this side of me that's intrigued by power dynamics and role play - he says he's into vanilla sex only. The night before he left town, we had this amazing night together in a hotel room. I'd prepared beforehand with handcuffs and blindfolds, just to see where it would go. He took the lead at first but then things got intense and he started talking about pain and control. We both knew we were pushing boundaries here. I don't know how long it lasted or exactly what happened - time seemed like a blur. I just remember being completely overwhelmed with sensations, feeling so deeply connected to him in ways that had never happened before. Afterwards, we collapsed on the bed, panting and out of breath. He looked at me with such raw intensity as if he was trying to memorize every detail. But then he left for home early next morning and I've been trying to forget about it ever since. It's like a part of me died that night but another part of me was born, too. My husband doesn't even know this side of me exists or that we talked after his injury. He thinks our marriage is perfect - he has no idea. That's why I'm writing this now. Maybe seeing it out in the world will help me confront my feelings and decide what to do next with both him and myself.