..a night alone with the students..

I know I shouldn't be writing this... but it's been gnawing at me for days now. Last week, we had a late-night study group in my office and everyone left except for two of my undergrads, Jane and Mike. They're both smart kids, and there was just something about them being so close to the material that I found myself... intrigued. We were talking and laughing, and then it got quiet. One look from each other and we all knew what was coming. Mike moved closer to me on my couch and Jane did too. The way they looked at each other over my shoulder... I don't know when exactly I started feeling... different about them. It wasn't like there's a clear line, but it's been there for months now. They're both adults in their early twenties, so it should just be that - adult-to-adult respect. But it was more than that. The way they touched me... Mike pulled off my blouse and I let him... Jane undid my bra and I helped her slide them down my arms. Their hands were all over me, but it felt right somehow. I'm not sure what happened next because there was so much kissing and touching, but then Mike's fingers started to slip inside me... It wasn't just sex either - it felt like a release of something more complicated. We didn't talk about the future or anything afterward, but it was clear in our eyes that we had some kind of understanding. I know I should feel guilty or ashamed... I'm forty years old and married with kids... but as Mike's tongue probed deeper into me... Jane took my hands and put them on her breasts, guiding mine to squeeze and pinch the sensitive tips while Mike's fingers continued their relentless work inside me... I asked myself later if that was okay or wrong. Is it normal for an educator to feel like this? I don't know anymore... so lost. What do you think? Did any of you ever cross this line with your students too?