I Did It Without His Consent, Was I Right?

My partner, let's call him Alex, and I have been together for five years now. We have a good relationship built on trust and mutual respect, but there’s always been this one thing that sets me apart from everyone else around us: my interest in consensual non-consent (CNC) roleplay. Alex is okay with it when we’re in private and he understands the boundaries, but I’ve never pushed him beyond his comfort zone. A few weeks ago, something inside of me snapped during a particularly steamy evening after work at home. He had started teasing me and was so close to being inside me, and then he stopped. He said we should wait another day because he wanted to be fully present for it next time and not rush through the excitement like that night was turning out to be. I got mad, frustrated that I couldn’t have what I wanted right there and then with him leading the way as usual. So, while he slept off his exhaustion in bed, I decided to take control myself and act on my kink without his involvement. Yes, you read me right, I undressed completely and played out a CNC scene by myself. I imagined Alex in front of me, telling me no, denying me entry into him but also unable to stop himself from leaning closer. He’d push back against the wall or counter to keep distance between us, but his body would betray him and lean closer still, that tension is what turns me on so much about this fantasy. In my hands, I pretended he was pulling at a belt or zipper, reaching for something to shield himself with. As I masturbated, it wasn’t just the act itself that turned me on, it was the idea of pushing against his limits in ways we’d never explored before. The physical sensations were intense, each touch and thrust mimicking the imagined struggle between us. When I came, it was explosive; every muscle tightened as if he had finally given in to my desires despite himself. Now, here’s where things get messy: after that night, Alex caught me watching a video on consensual non-consent roleplay. He asked what it was about and, well...I lied. I told him I was just curious and wouldn’t try anything without speaking to him first. But deep down, I’m not sure if I can stick to that promise. Was I in the wrong for playing out my kink alone when he wanted to wait? Or did it help me satisfy a craving that kept bubbling up inside of me? The guilt eats at me every day, but part of me also wonders if doing something like this could actually bring us closer by showing him how much I need him. What do you think, Am I the asshole here for acting alone?