the secret lover

i'm in my late 20s, been with john for a few years but we're at an impasse on kinks and experimenting. i wanted something more intense than he was ready for so i found someone else who got it. met up at the motel every couple of weeks for about six months. didn't matter that john had no clue what was going on, felt free to explore in ways we never would have together. this other guy knew exactly what buttons to press and made me feel alive again...but now i'm conflicted because part of me wonders if i've lost respect for the intimacy john and i once shared.