When My Patient's Secret Touched Me Too Deeply

I've been working as a nurse at the city hospital for about five years now. It’s a decent job, pays well enough to cover my rent and living expenses in this bustling city. I’ve seen just about everything there is to see when it comes to human suffering, pain, and recovery. Yet despite all that, I haven’t been able to find someone special to share my life with. Lately, I've been dating casually, nothing serious, no strings attached, but nothing has felt quite right yet. Recently, a new patient came in who was referred for psychiatric help. She’s beautiful in a delicate way and speaks softly, almost timidly. As we started her treatment plan, she confided in me that she's been struggling with past traumas, including one particularly distressing experience from her younger years. I understood the weight of her burden and tried my best to support her. One day, after a session where she had opened up more than usual, she leaned over to thank me. She brushed against my arm, and our eyes met in a moment of silent understanding. There was something about that touch and the way she looked at me that made me feel like we shared some kind of unspoken connection. That night, I found myself thinking about her more than usual, about how she might be feeling, about what kinds of things were going through her mind. And there was a part of me that couldn't shake off the idea of crossing professional boundaries to just hold her or offer comfort in some other way beyond what's allowed. The next day at work, I avoided her for fear of acting on any feelings that might not be appropriate. She seemed puzzled by my sudden coldness, but I didn't have the courage to explain myself or admit how much she affected me emotionally and physically. After a week or so, she stopped coming in for sessions. Now, days after her last visit, I still find myself wondering if what I felt was just professional pity or if there was something deeper at play here. Did she feel the same connection? Should I have acted on my feelings when I had the chance? Is it ever okay to blur lines between personal and professional relationships, even in a consensual way? Am I being too selfish for wanting more than what’s professionally allowed? Am I supposed to just keep moving forward like nothing happened or try reaching out one last time before she disappears completely from my life?