A Secret I Couldn't Keep

I’ve been with my partner for five years now. We’re both in our late twenties and we have a solid relationship. It’s just that I have this one thing, it's not big or anything really, but it feels like a heavy weight on me because I lied about it. We don’t share all the same interests, of course. My partner loves hiking and camping while I’d rather stay at home watching old movies. That doesn’t matter though, what bothers me is this one hobby that’s been my secret for as long as we’ve known each other. I collect erotic books and comics. It started as a fun way to explore my kinks in private, but it grew into more than I could hide from her. She wouldn’t mind if she knew about it, well, not exactly. She’d probably be disappointed that something could make me uncomfortable around her enough to keep it secret. That’s where the weight comes in; it’s as if there’s a constant tension between us now because of this lie. Last month I had to buy a new book and I ended up forgetting my wallet at home. When I called my partner to ask for money, she said she was on her way over to drop off lunch anyway and would pick up cash for me. On the drive over, her phone pinged with a notification that distracted her just enough for her to swerve into someone’s mailbox. We got in this argument about how careless it was; I felt terrible because my mind was filled with the image of having to tell her about where that money was going. I’ve been thinking of coming clean, but what if she reacts badly? She’d never know any different if I don’t say anything. That doesn’t make it right though. I can see myself wanting to be more honest with her now and wondering how we’ll move forward once she knows this secret that feels so small in the grand scheme of our life together, but feels like an elephant sitting on my chest.