...It's All So New...

Ever since the divorce... I feel like I'm just trying to figure out who I am now. Last week, my ex was supposed to meet me for drinks, but he canceled... At home, I found a link from a friend on social media... it was about consensual non-consent roleplay (CNC)... and something clicked inside me... I ended up joining an online community that focuses on this... kind of thing. Met someone there who understands... We agreed to meet up... It felt like a huge step, but also a breath of fresh air after everything I've been through... The night we met was intense... He told me he doesn't want to pressure me into anything... But I found myself wanting to explore this further... It's so different from anything before the divorce... Now, whenever I think about it... all that shame comes back. I'm afraid my ex would hate me if they knew... And I worry people in general will see me as just some kind of weirdo. But I need someone to listen... Maybe just writing this helps a little...