Holding On To Myself in Intimacy

Since I came out and transitioned, my partner and I have had our ups and downs. We've been together for five years now, but the intimacy became distant after the first year or so of me being on hormones. The truth is, it's always felt like a tightrope walk between staying true to myself and keeping things comfortable for him. There was this one night when we tried something new, roleplay with different dynamics. It started off okay, but as I got into character, embodying the persona I had been so afraid of before transitioning, all my fears came flooding back. My voice trembled, and tears mixed with the sweat on my skin. He stopped and held me, whispered it was okay, that he loved me no matter what, but in that moment, I felt like everything I'd gone through to be myself might have been for nothing. It was a raw, vulnerable night, one where I clung to his reassurances while also desperately trying to hold onto who I truly am deep down.