Confession of Desires and Vulnerabilities

I've been in this open relationship for almost two years now. My partner is amazing in so many ways, but we're both creatures of need, and it's hard sometimes to balance our desires with the emotional weight they carry. Last night, I had someone new, someone who understands my kinks deeply. It was intense, raw, and more intimate than any casual encounter has ever been. But afterward, I felt a deep pang of guilt. Is this what I really want? Am I betraying something precious by indulging in these desires so openly? It's confusing, to say the least. My partner trusts me, but I'm not sure if I trust myself anymore. This isn't about looking for advice or reassurance, it's more that I needed to acknowledge how complex and messy it all feels right now.