Late Night Temptation at Work

I'm in my 50s and I've been teaching college for decades now. Usually pretty buttoned-up, but the last couple months I've started dating casually, trying to meet people without any expectations or labels. Nothing's come of it yet though, just a few drinks and small talk. But this one night recently, we had plans to grab dinner but she was running late and I thought maybe she canceled. So I decided to go back home instead of waiting around in the bar. On my way out I realized there was still an hour or so before my next class on Monday mornings, yes, it's a rare day off from teaching, so I went for a walk near campus. And as I was walking, feeling a little lonely and restless, I started thinking back to that girl I met. We had a good chat last time but no real chemistry or anything obvious between us, so I didn't think much of it at the time. But now, alone on this street at night...I found myself really wanting her. So I went back to my apartment and locked the door behind me, feeling oddly naughty already just being home when I’m supposed to be out for a drink. And before I knew it, I was in my own bed, not even sure why exactly but suddenly thinking of that girl...and wondering what she might think if she walked in right now. Would she turn away? Or would she actually want me too? That thought made me feel a mix of excitement and shame. I've never been one to act on anything like this before, always kept things strictly professional even after hours or on breaks from teaching. But then...I touched myself, thinking about that night we spent together. It felt wrong yet strangely satisfying somehow. Afterwards, I couldn't help but worry if it was a bad sign. Is this what being single in my 50s feels like? A confusing mix of loneliness and desire, without anyone to share it with but my own hand and thoughts? So here’s the confession: that night I spent alone, thinking about her, feeling myself, alone but not really, since she was there in my head. And I found myself missing more than just a dinner or drink.